PANIC!!!

At this festive time of year, the annual event I am most enjoying has to be the PANIC!!! Always a totally unfounded, irrational, seasonal, blind pandemic of panic.

There have already been nationwide fears of running out of bread and milk. This has consequently put Brummies a whole £50 out of pocket due to PANIC!!! buying of said necessities- or so one of the local radio stations would have you know. Idiots. I'm fully justified in saying that by the way, I am a Brummie (though thankfully not one of those twats who fell for the PANIC!!!). 

Then just this morning there were further spurious radio reports of Worcester County Council's grit supplies running precariously low. PANIC!!! Sounds an awfully familiar story that does... And what amuses me even more than the total lack of orginality of the newsteams associated with these PANIC!!! stories or even the fact that it's yet another year where a total lack of foresight on behalf of said County Council has left them ill-prepared, even funnier than all that is the fact that it's some poor bastard's job to report on it. 

'You been on that story a while now Barry, what exactly IS the story your breaking?

'Well you see I'm still chasing that grit one. It's been going on a bit, yeah, but, man when that one hits, it's proper going to kick off'.

Every day the same job. Ring the council, ask them if they've got enough grit. Better still I like to imagine it as if it's some Watergate scandal. You know, like that Dustin Hoffman reporter film. As if the contact Barry has is some big player, and it really IS a big deal to have a mole from within WCC whispering down the phone all those CC secrets. Somehow makes it all the more funny.

And then the reality is that it's Maureen on reception who probably cares as much about how much grit there is (and confidentiality of such 'vital' information to avoid any undue panic) as she has interest in keeping her colleagues in coffee. I can vouch for her, she'll have zero interest on all fronts there. Having once enjoyed time behind a reception desk and the power games that accompany such roles- irrational disliking of people, deliberate and totally unnecessary awkwardness (it all passes the time of day)- I know Maureen couldn't give two shiny sheets.


Anyway I would like then to jump on the band wagon and intensify exisitng fears, perhaps even create a mass PANIC!!! of my own. I might even try to trade mark, petition for it to be an annual holiday. Who knows, mass hysteria is my oyster.